Tuesday, May 11, 2010
first day ♥♥
You woke up in the morning, you realised, the one you need, is not there for you anymore.
The first thing that come to your mind is, he's not yours anymore.
You walked to the bathroom, your tears flows down.
You have been weak early in the morning.
You didn't want to let your grandma know, you quickly washed up and tell yourself, you'll be fine.
You look into the mirror, you don't know who is that in the mirror.
The face is so shag, the smile is so fake.
You went into your room, out of the sudden, your tears flows down again.
You thought to yourself, you're like suffering in hell.
You don't know what to do, you took your phone and text your friend.
They replied, telling you how much they love you and they will always be there for you.
You won't tell them you're fine, because you know that you're not fine at all.
In the train, all alone.
Holding back your tears, because you know it's dumb to cry in the train.
Everything came to your mind, questions forming inside without answers.
Listening to the songs that reminds you of everything.
Finally, you reached the destination and met your friends.
This is your chance, to cry it out.
But all your friends can do is to console you.
You're still in agony, and there's nothing you can do.
You hope everything will be fine in school, but it turned out to be the other way.
You ran like hell, non-stop, feeling pain inside but don't want to stop.
Friends are all asking what happened, are you ok, all you can do is smile.
You finally stopped, feels like dying and you cried again.
Your friends are trying their best to cheer you up, but all you can do is giving them a fake smile and move on.
It's time to have a break before another lesson starts.
Many people are watching at you, but you chose to cry your heart out.
They ask you to cry, and told you that you will feel better after crying.
You know it's not true, you still feel shit after crying so much already.
Time for lesson, you were late, teacher didn't blame you.
And he asked, are you sick.
Everyone looked at you, keeping quiet is what you did.
Your friend beside you, told the teacher, ya, you're not feeling well.
Everyone was worried, they asked whether you want to go home.
You answered them, by shaking your head, because you know staying at home will be tougher for you to survive.
Teacher is watching you, make sure you're fine.
You need to hand in the assignment today, you got no mood to do it but you have to.
You struggled all the way to finish it and you did it.
Your friends were chatting, you should be in the conversation, but you're not.
You stared to space, thinking of everything over and over again.
You cried, once again.
Your friends watching over you, feeling so helpless.
They want to help, but failed to and you feel sorry.
You didn't mean to hurt them by doing all these.
You know that if you try to smile, you will end up crying again.
You don't want to go home, your friends keep you accompany.
On the way home, you're all alone again, holding back your tears.
Receiving texts from your friends, cheering you up telling you to be strong.
Met your friend, she's sick but she made an effort just to make sure you're fine.
You told her how shitty you're feeling, adding your problems to others.
You cried infront of her, again.
You're walking home alone, in the rain, yet you chose to walk slowly.
You're so lost and things came back to your mind, you cried.
Reached home, telling yourself no more crying.
Went into the bathroom, tears down your cheeks, you looked into the mirror, you're so ugly!
How long you stayed inside the bathroom, how long you've been crying all out.
You know, that's the only time and place you can cry at home.
Finally, your first day without him is going to end in few hours time.
You've successfully survived through today, how about the rest of the day?
Is it going to be the same, crying the whole day?
You guess so.
You want to make yourself as busy as possible but you failed.
You've been telling yourself the whole day, you're gonna be fine, no point crying already, don't think about it anymore, you can't bring back anything, you must be strong, he doesn't care anymore, just let it go and move on.
It's always easy to say but not easy to do.
You've been falling many times this year, yes, all shits are towards you this year, nothing good is happening.
How much longer can you hold on?
Your friends are always there for you, you know.
But still, you just can't pick yourself up this time, because you've fallen into a deep deep hole.
All you need is time, slowly get yourself out of the hole and stand back to your feet.
You need time, to get all the wounds all over your body to heal fully.
You need time, to get over everything and start afresh.
Now, you're thinking about tomorrow.
You know, that 3 things will definitely be the same as today, you're gonna cry whole day again, your friends are still there for you and he's gone.
You're hurting your friends by being this way but you don't mean it.
What's the point crying so much when he won't even know?!
You just can't help it, all you want to do now is cry!
You still have to move on, you should know you can.
If he can do it so easily, so do you!
He wants to concentrate on studies, you must do the same.
You've to work hard, be someone better than now.
You're just not good enough for him, and you're really sorry for making him to feel so tired.
But there's no more chance to tell him already.
He has move on, you can do it too.
You want him to live happily, so you must set him free.
He will find a better girl than you, but you're going to make him your last and never ever step into a relationship again.
That's the right way to love him now!
Posted by Rebecca at 6:03 PM
